So, first dates can be awful or great. Not really an in between. You go, meet and compare the expectations of the other person you made in your head and then you either click or not click. That’s how it used to be for me. Recently, as in the last year type of recently, I’ve had to change my way of thinking when it comes to dating. I used to see dating as what I had to quickly do to get to the end game, A Partner. That was THE end game, and honestly? It was pretty stupid. Don’t get me wrong, having a partner to share things with is great but wanting that so badly that I skipped out on many other things people offered left me feeling pretty shitty. And, not only that, it made me kind of an ass. I looked at people not at who they were in front of me but at what kind of partner they would be NOW. That’s a pretty shitty way to treat people.
Nowadays I take my time. I have become pretty selective in who I proceed things with. I’ve slowed down my pace and worked on myself quite a bit. It has helped tremendously. I want to actively get to know a person and have them get to know me. Do I go on many first dates? Actually, yes and no. I try to make more of a connection before going on a date to begin with so that has made it so I’m not going out every week or so. But, I don’t get asked out any less, in my opinion. I still get to meet some great people and I am able to be more myself.
In general, dating is hard. At any point in life. Growing up I didn’t date. My parent’s didn’t even let me go to a sleepover until I was in HS. I had 1 boyfriend in HS that lasted about 2.5 years until I meet my then husband when I moved to a different state with a sister. I broke it off with one to date the other, even though my then husband was perfectly ok to date me while I was still the gf of another. Lol, red flags looking back but at the time, I thought he was quite the debonair open minded guy.
Anyways, I have dated more married now than I ever did when I was single. I think of it as a learning curve I had to take to find how comfortable being me is. And I think that’s the takeaway from all this. Figuring out who YOU are and being comfortable being you around new people that you could potentially date.