Socially Anxious Introvert, Kinda

I have what is a self diagnosed social anxiety issue. I also feel like I am quite an introvert. I like being social, I like going to events and doing things with friends & family. But, I have to really gear myself up for these things, every single time. And it is tiring.

I try not to book myself so many things close together because after 1-3 things I feel like I need to recharge my batteries. I want to hide at home for a few days and just not talk to anybody. I work at this constantly because I like doing things and meeting people, it’s just super hard.

I feel like a walking contradiction sometimes. How can you like to do social things but not? How can I like meeting people and doing all the things…and not be able to or feel drained emotionally if I make myself do the things?

I don’t know. But that is me. I do this. All. The. Time. It is maddening. Haha

I have ups and I have downs. I volunteer monthly at a local dungeon. One night a month. I love doing it. There’s been times when I have had to not go. I have monthly Kinky Scouts meetings, so far I have only missed one meeting. I have book club, I have also missed once. There are others, but I try to attend and be present as much as I am able.

I have been significantly fortunate that I have met people that are totally understanding that I struggle. They help me when they can, they give me space as I need it, they pretend I am ok when I request it of them. I feel blessed to have found such great people.

It can be hard wanting to do things and have to sometimes not because I also need self care.

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